Friday, November 23, 2012

Why Alex And I Want To Move To The Co-Ed Dorm

A brief summary of various atrocities that are undoubtedly attributed solely to our current dorm.

SO FIRST OF ALL, allow me to give some background. Break started yesterday, and the school thought it would be nice to close the Place of Food early. So our two young heroes had to gather sustenance from the only place available: the drawer of reserve ramen.
We had, of course, already eaten pretty much all of it, but there was a can of Spaghettio's and a cup of noodles and, well,-- a couple of champions have gotta eat.

While Alex made cup of noodles with a hot water heater, I went on a noble quest for only the bravest of souls.
 Eyes glazed over with a lusty haze, Juice stumbled in a crazed state of meatball-filled expectations down to the basement of her heinous dorm, only to find the can opener had been stolen.
Guess who needed a can opener to open her Spaghettio's.
I've sketched a brief, completely accurate account of the events that ensued.




...........Victory never tasted so much like marinara.

There is also the aspect of our tiny-ass room. It's seriously bad. We have lofted our beds in a pathetic, final attempt to give the impression of more floor space, but have failed in convincing even ourselves that the room is better than it was. We feel if there is more floor space on which our shit can be distributed, the sanitation of our room will completely improve.

Judging by the state of the vegetables in the cafeteria, and the various growth in the showers of our lovely living space, it's undoubtedly safe to ascertain that the lunch ladies cultivate new and exciting species of funguses, nurtured by the unique terrain of our cleansing bathrooms. They almost definitely use these exotic  with with they flavor our food. Maybe that's why they're so angry.

Finally, the lounge of the co-ed dorm is nice; though I must say, it certainly lacks the finesse of peeling paint and funky smells that the girl's dorm has to offer.

And on that note, I go to write an essay on good Christian values and, additionally, why St. Augustine is a butt-eating soul vacuum.

Hope everyone had a delicious holiday weekend. My sister, her boyfriend and I made tacos and watched Batman. It was awesome.
Alex sat in her room and did nothing because she is sick and on campus, alone.
I plan to nurture her back to health on my return. With chocolate.

OK ESSAY TIME FOR REALSIES NAO.

--Juice

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